Senior Denial… What’s That All About?

With four months in my new position as Edward King HouseSenior Center Director under my belt, I am continually flummoxed by the responses of so many of those I meet who greet me with the following statement, “Congratulations on our new position Carm.  The seniors must really enjoy having you on board.”  Let me begin by saying that I pray that these words are indeed true as I am enjoying my new “peeps” very, very much and hope that the feeling is mutual. The confusion lies with the speaker themselves.  Invariably, the people who wish me such enthusiastic congratulations are friends and acquaintances who are seniors themselves or on the cusp of being so. 

Why do they refer to the seniors I serve as “them” or “the seniors” as if referring to a population of newly discovered insects in the Sudan?  Could we be suffering from a case of Senior Denial?

Truth be told, I am rapidly approaching my own “senior-dom” in the coming year. Yes, I created a new word, don’t look it up, I am bent on creating a whole new vocabulary for this wonderful new world I am living in.  Just humor me and go along with it.   

According to AARP, the nation’s largest and most powerful advocacy group for senior issues, the age for folks, like myself, to begin their journey as senior citizens is 50+. 

I will admit, it took me by surprise.  In fact, it down right scared me.  Why? Well, because I interpreted this statement as a death sentence, at the worst, or a one-way ticket to inactivity and isolation, at best.  This is likely the answer to why those who wish me the best seemed so distant when we talked about the possibility of what wearing the label of “senior” might mean to them.

I am here to announce, for the whole world to read, that my initial reaction to realizing my new status in life couldn’t have been farther from reality.  Becoming a “senior” now gives me license to, as AARP has recently penned it, RE-IMAGINE MYSELF.  An action I have already taken by embarking upon this new position in a new industry with a new target population and new rules to follow.

Becoming a senior should no longer invoke, in the minds of any adult, the picture of a gray haired woman or man sitting on the front porch rocking back and forth watching the sun come up and go down every day.  Unless, that is, of course, what that individual planned all along. 

My senior role models exhaust me to think about them.  They have taken the reigns in the second half of their lives and are actively pursuing all they wished to do as they were coming of age but had no time or the courage to do it.  They travel, volunteer, socialize, organize, teach, advocate, eat, drink and are merry.  Many of them before they their actual retirement date.  They re-imagine what their lives could be like when they are at an age when they have seen much, learned much and experienced much. 

It is almost the equivalent to if I knew then what I know now . . .  Well, you do know now and now is here. 

I am here to ask you to stop denying what could be the richest part of your life.  With all that you have been through and all that you know, wouldn't it make sense to put all of that wisdom to good use for yourself and the community around you?

Don’t be afraid to admit it; I promise, it will be okay to say it out loud.  Here, I will start it myself . . . I am about to turn 50 years old.  I am eager to re-imagine what the second part of my life will be like and take steps to enjoy every moment possible.  I am about to become a SENIOR and I am proud!

Now, it yours turn . . . leave the denial behind. The best is yet to come.

Resolving to THINK

As this new begins I set aside the idea of a resolving to make changes in my life and, instead, opt to choose the next path to take on this adventure we call "life".  So with every January 1st, I search for the mantra or one-liner that will guide what I what I hope will be a positive reason to get up every morning and give meaning to being alive. 

 

Two year's ago I embarked on a Resolution Revolution and last year, well, I just skipped last year for more reasons than I can care to mention here.

 

But this year. Well, this year is different.  This year I found a spectacular mantra that I can live by day in and day out. Hopefully, without having to think about it much as the year progresses.  It's called THINK.  That's it - THINK. 

Yes, it's an acronym for:

 

Here's the thing, I didn't think of it. (No pun intended.)  I don't know who did. I wish I did. The photo was shared with me by a friend on FaceBook .  Who know's where her source stole it from.  Nevertheless, the writer should be given an award for his or her brilliance.

 

Could you imagine a world where more than half of the population kept their mouths shut for just a moment and answered these 5 simple questions before uttering a word?  I, for one, cannot imagine what that might look like.  Although I am eager to try.

 

Here is my pledge for this coming year.  Before engaging, I will stop and THINK.  If I cannot answer these 5 questions in the affirmative, I will table the discussion until I can.  Not a resolution but a promise.  A promise I will endeavor to keep.

 

That is all.  For today anyway. Happy New Year one and all!

 

 

 





When The Last Child Becomes A Teenager

I never thought in a million years that I would wake up this morning to discover that my youngest child, my "baby", would be a fullfledged teenager.  The thought of it makes me shiver.  No more toddling about, no more noisy toys, no more bedtime stories and no more cuddling.  Sigh.

Now, it's about clothes, electronic gadgets, discussions about the next presidential election and as for the cuddling thing, well, he's twice my size.  He would have to cuddle me instead of the other way around.  It all seems so awkward.  My oldest son lives on his own, number two is heading out the door to college and now this.  Stop the world!  Okay, then could we just slow it down a little?

Tonight we had the all important talk about social networking.  You know, the talk we now have to have with our kids before we talk about sex and the perils of drugs and alcohol.  You would think we were briefing on a matter of national security.  I'm exhausted.

I gave him the top 5 things to be careful of when surfing the web and chatting on line according to Mom:

1.  If it feels icky, it is.  If anyone or anything pops up that makes you feel uncomfortable, get out.  Trust your instincts.  If your gut tells you that you probably shouldn't be there, don't.  If you wouldn't show it to your Mom, don't go there.  Get out and don't return.  Then come tell a trusted adult so that we can make sure you have no residual effects from wherever you may have accidentally landed or any unwanted communications.  That's what we are here for. 

2.  There is no such thing as something for nothing.  Don't trust anything offering you something for free.  99.9% of the time it's a trick to get you to do something you never really wanted to  do in the first place.  Exit it out and move on.

3.  If you wouldn't say it to their face, don't say it.  The scariest thing about social networks, and the web in general, is the anonymity of it all.  Think before you type.  If you wouldn't say it to the person's face it is always best NOT to say it.  Keep in mind that the person reading what you wrote cannot hear you or see your face.  They cannot  adjust your words for tone and intent.  What you may  have intended to be a playful statement may be construed as a threat or hurt someone's feelings.  When in doubt, ask an adult you trust.

4.  Give it rest, go out and really talk to people.  Sometimes I think this one should go without saying but I often find myself saying it anyway.  Nothing can replace face to face human interaction.  Get out of our chair, go outside and play.  You may be older but you are certainly not too old to enjoy the company of friends.  I don't think you are ever too old for that.

5.  Don't believe everything you read.  Just because you see it in print doesn't mean it's gospel.  Feel free to go to a trusted adult (are you seeing a reoccuring theme here?) and ask.  Remember when you read online that one of your favorite singers had died?  Nothing could have been further from the truth, yet the web was telling you it was so.  You came to me, we searched in places that I trust and discovered that you were the victim of a terrible rumor.  You were so relieved when you discovered the truth.  This problem is likely to rear its ugly head time and time again in your future.  Don't jump to conclusions . . . ask.

As the evening progressed I watched him delight in all of these new "big boy" priviledges and held onto my heart as he exclaimed that this has been the "best birthday ever!"  Which is, of course, all I ever really wanted for him. 

He deserves the opportunity to grow up whether I am ready or not.  He's a good boy.  He is kind to everyone he meets. He is respectful, hardworking and adores his family.  I just have to trust that as good as he is to the world, the world will also be good to him.  I just need him to know that I will always be here to help him navigate through it all. 


So consider this a warning World.  Be good to my boy . . . or else!

I Love A Parade!

There is something about a parade that gets the blood pumpin' and sets the heart strings atwang.  Flags are waving, children cheering, folks coming out of their homes to sit awhile alongside the road waiting to hear the thumping beat of a marching band. 

Could there be anything more americana than that?

Today's Columbus Day Parade in Newport, Rhode Island, was a special one for me.  As an Italian-American, of course, I see the flags of my parent's homeland and look on with pride.  But as a Mom, today was something special as my entire "everyone's a musician" family was involved in this parade with me not far behind with a camera.  Who would have thought so many years ago when I was changing diapers and watching reruns of every Disney movie imaginable that a day like today would have been in my future.

We read in magazines and travel digests about "getting away" to small town locales where it feels like everybody knows your name and no matter where you go you really belong.  Today's event made that all come to life for me and I never had to cross the bridge to find it.  No matter where you walked, you knew someone.  And if you didn't know them, you struck up a conversation about days gone by and before you knew it, you made a new friend.

Sounds schmaltzy, I know, but it was so true.

The parade went on for less than a mile and from start to finish lasted for maybe 30 minutes.  It wasn't big but it was delightful.  The weather was spectacular and with law enforcement, firefighters, high school bands, political dignitaries, a few bagpipes (yes, you read that right, there were bagpipes at an Italian-American parade), the U.S. Navy and, of course, the Sons of Italy, what it lacked in size, it made up for in heart.

 It was the kind of experience that you file in the "someday I will tell my grandchildren about this" file and smile.

And so to this Mama says . . . cherish every moment and remember it well for this is what daydreams are made of.

Mom! There's No Food In The House!

How many times have we have heard that one???? 

Undoubtedly these seven words, when strung together, are most likely to make any Mom (or Dad for that matter) scratch their heads.  Wait another 10 seconds and the parental rant is sure to begin. 

It goes something like this: "How can it be that I raised such an ungrateful child that does not understand that there are so many children around the world (and in our community no less) who go to bed hungry at night and you, who are so blessed, dare to declare that there is no food in the house!"

From there our kids wonder when the United Nations came into play.  They look at us as if we have made utterances in languages they simply do not understand, stomp their feet and proceed to their rooms until they regroup.  Ten more minutes will pass and the albeit hungry children return to the kitchen to "make due" with whatever the cupboard has to offer.

There aren't many of us who are willing to disclose the particulars of this interchange but with growing boys at my house it happens so often that  I am tempted to compose the music that would go with these lyrics.  I would entitle the tune The Lament of the Teenage Junk Food Junkie.

The truth is, they don't know how lucky they are.  Even when times are tough, as they are now for most of us middle americans, most of our kids have nothing to complain about.  When they say there's no food in the house what they really mean is there is no overly sugary, way too salty, crunchy, processed and made of things I can't even pronounce in the house.  Not a dictionary definition but you all know what I mean.  When they say, I have nothing to wear, what they really mean is that they left their clothing all over the floor and have nothing clean to wear. 

Sound familiar yet?

We live in an era of I want it right now and for most folks, it's possible to get what ever you  need at a moments notice.  But for so  many, even the basic necessities of life are still beyond their grasp for right now or for the near future. 

So I will keep at it as Mama says . . . my dear child, let us be grateful for what we have and let us work together to see what we can do to reach out to those who have so much less than we do.  Enjoy the peanut butter sandwich I made you and let's pack the the unopened jar for someone who could use it.

All Right, Hand Over The Chocolate!

According to CNN.com, "researchers have found that eating chocolate, the number one food craved by American women, causes the brain to release endorphins, chemicals that make us feel good."  That's all the evidence I need to help me to understand why if you polled every woman you know or ever knew, you would discover that a majority of them have a stash of chocolate somewhere or know someone who does and is willing to share.

For a reasons too many to mention, today was a chocolate day.  With a day-long program development meeting and a service event to follow, the yummy treat that got passed around soon after lunch was met with a collective "sigh" expressed by the men as well as the women around the table.  Soon after I could feel the tension ease and my brain begin to go into hibernate mode as the clock ticked the minutes away.

But, like any good thing, the after effects are not nearly as welcomed as the initial outcome.  After the intitial sense of well being and calm, I am left with this burning desire to sit on the couch with a comfy blanket and a good movie and little else. 

I am sure there is a science behind that as well but for right now, a simple love story will suffice.

So to this Mama says  . . . hand over the chocolate, then give me hug.

The GNO (Girls Night Out): When Only the Company of a Girlfriend Will Do

As a Mom and as a professional I cross the paths of other women everyday.  We meet in the grocery store, at the office, in the classroom and at the gas station.  But I often find that even with all of this human contact, nothing beats the chance to sit on a comfy couch and hang out with my girlfriends.  Sadly, those moments are few and far between.  Responsibilities of work, home and family (and sometimes just plain exhaustion) often keep us from spending some quality time from the people who really "get" us.

This week, I took the plunge and met two of my favorite girlfriends for lunch.  Now, come on people, I can hear you gasping from here.  Yes, you read it right, not only did I actually have lunch, I shared it with friends.  In the middle of the work week no less!

Just an hour.  But what  a powerful hour it was.  We talked about our kids, our jobs and made plans for the future.  It was invigorating. 

With my batteries recharged, I got into  my car when then that power hour was over and smiled with a new sense of purpose.  Nothing earth shattering - it just felt good to seek the company of my peers.  It satisfied my soul as well as my belly.

To Katie and Judy, Mama says . . . "Thank you. Let's do it again - SOON!"